The Good Thing About Being in Medical School

So, I go to medical school, which means that at some point in the future, so long as I pass all my exams and do not intentionally kill someone (at least I think they forgive us if it's unintentional), I presumably will be a doctor. I am not looking forward to this. Like most good little Asians, I started off down the path to doctor-hood because Mommy and Daddy had convinced me that there were only three occupations in the world: doctors, lawyers, and losers who should just kill themselves. Even later, when I realized that there actually were other jobs to be had, I was really too scared to even consider them for the fear of somehow shaming my family.

At some point, though, I did get sort of excited about becoming a doctor. I mean, you get to do some crazy stuff to people and they'd better like it because you are SAVING LIVES. A picture Tetradecimal drew of me sums up how I sort of started seeing my future self, all starry-eyed and shooting rainbows out of my hands.
Actually, I thought I'd look a little less goofy and more smart. Experienced. Like a war-torn veteran. But angelic and compassionate, like Mother Theresa, so I could magically touch the hearts and lives of my patients in ways other doctors had failed. Like that Patch Adams movie, although what I actually remember is that he built a giant vagina around a building entrance, and that his girlfriend got murdered, but let's not nitpick. I'd be that doctor who bonded with the autistic child or the gruff elderly patient who's just hurting inside.

Also, I thought I'd be sexier. That way, as I strolled purposefully down the hospital halls to SAVE LIVES, all the staff would notice me and say, "There goes that hot doctor. But she's more awesome than most hot people because she is also smart and kind." A real badass mix of House plus Mother Theresa plus Jessica Rabbit.

Needless to say, once I hit the wards, I realized that no, I was not going to be House plus Mother Theresa. I guess Jessica Rabbit is still a possibility if I start saving up for plastic surgery or something. In fact, I wasn't sure I wanted to be a doctor anymore (and most nights, I just wanted to survive until the next day and maybe get some goddamn sleep).

But that's okay. It's always better to look at the bright side of things, right? And so, I brainstormed the good things about being in medical school, some of which they actually taught us. Like, if I decided I wanted to be a drug addict as well, I would actually have an easier time than most people because I would have access to narcotics and other fun stuff; hell if I had doctor friends they might actually write me prescriptions because surveys have shown doctors are too chickenshit to tattle on their friends. So yay!

And I get to develop a god-complex for saving lives. And while this is certainly not unique, since police and firefighters do that shit too, I don't have to do it while being shot at or putting out raging fires. Yay again!

I guess, though, for now, until I decide to develop a drug habit or actually save lives, the best part about being in med school are the super fun stories you get to hear. For example, one of my friends was doing a neurology rotation. He went with his neurologist to do a spinal tap on a patient. This means you're trying to suck out spinal fluid without hitting all the nerves running through the spinal cord. Failing to do so can mean some major damage and suckitude. Like all beginning medical students, my friend had never done one before. The encounter went as such:

In the end, the patient was fine and I don't think he suffered any major neurological damage. Maybe next time I will tell the tale of when I cut someone's leg off.